Seems as though I just don't want to leave.
With all the terrible things that have happened in the last few years, and coming to terms with the sometimes-very-negative reality of Scotland, I have found that somewhere deep in myself is still that person who loves this land more than the negative people that can sometimes inhabit the place. Silly as it is, it's as if I have an ancestral need to be planted here, in this damp and inhospitable climate.
Hundreds of years ago, my ancestors left here, and Ireland, to find a better place and success in the New World. I hate to be the only one who ever returned, only to find the same fate. I want to be the one that stayed.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Moving
It appears that my time here is drawing to a close, and I will be headed off for a new adventure in another land. I hope that I will feel more positive there than I have here.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Glasgow Again
I have returned to Glasgow after a glorious summer on Islay. I'm not sure the city will ever grow on me, but I'm told it has to do with my location. I'm not so sure, but I will take their word for it.
Still unsure about what will happen next in life, but working on it.
Still unsure about what will happen next in life, but working on it.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Mystery
I am currently trying to solve a mystery.
Years ago, I was fit and strong. I worked as a deckhand and had plans to move to Florida for the winter season to gain experience, planning to go to a merchant mariner's college in order to become an ore boat captain. This dream conflicted with my other dream of attending university in Scotland, but I enjoyed the fresh air and the days at sea more than any other job I'd held before.
Then I met my birthmother's stepfather. This was the first time that I had any contact with anyone in my birth family. He asked if there had been any problems with my muscles over the years; being one of the strongest people I've known, I scoffed at the very idea! My muscles, my strength, and my uncanny flexibility had been my pride and joy - the source of my personality and its driving force.
He told me that my birthmother, and indeed most of my birthfamily, had myotonic muscular dystrophy. It generally came on in the person's mid-to-late 20's, and from there was unstoppable, no matter how often the person with the disease worked out. Over the years I'd had certain health problems but never thought they might be related to each other - and it turned out that every one of them was a symptom of muscular dystrophy.
I walked the streets that evening in a daze. It took a few more years before I was tested, and I was the only person in the entire family who did not have it. However, this left the mystery of what was wrong with me, as I had further complications. For example, my hips and shoulders continually started dislocating, which was incredibly painful and kept me from some of my favourite activities, such as weightlifting and bellydancing.
I discovered a disease called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which seems to explain many of my difficulties. It is a connective tissue disorder with frequent dislocation/subluxation of the joints, marked by extreme flexibility, velvety skin, and occasionally skin that stretches. Because I was very thin and strong for most of my life, it would not have been noticable when I was young, but as I age and continue to develop problems, the loss of muscle mass means that I am losing anything that holds my bones and joints together.
Now, years later, my birth mother has three months to live, as my brother told me a few days ago. I have gained weight and lost muscle definition, missed so many opportunities with bellydance and with other activities I loved. Aside from being broke, these issues have kept me from everything I want to do - it is difficult to work out when it is almost impossible to walk because of hip subluxation.
All I know is that I hope this is the answer to the mystery that has kept me somewhat disabled for several years. I would like to return to the things I love, and to find out the reason for these problems. I know it took my father years to find a doctor who would diagnose him with Lyme's Disease; I only hope my wait will not be as long.
Years ago, I was fit and strong. I worked as a deckhand and had plans to move to Florida for the winter season to gain experience, planning to go to a merchant mariner's college in order to become an ore boat captain. This dream conflicted with my other dream of attending university in Scotland, but I enjoyed the fresh air and the days at sea more than any other job I'd held before.
Then I met my birthmother's stepfather. This was the first time that I had any contact with anyone in my birth family. He asked if there had been any problems with my muscles over the years; being one of the strongest people I've known, I scoffed at the very idea! My muscles, my strength, and my uncanny flexibility had been my pride and joy - the source of my personality and its driving force.
He told me that my birthmother, and indeed most of my birthfamily, had myotonic muscular dystrophy. It generally came on in the person's mid-to-late 20's, and from there was unstoppable, no matter how often the person with the disease worked out. Over the years I'd had certain health problems but never thought they might be related to each other - and it turned out that every one of them was a symptom of muscular dystrophy.
I walked the streets that evening in a daze. It took a few more years before I was tested, and I was the only person in the entire family who did not have it. However, this left the mystery of what was wrong with me, as I had further complications. For example, my hips and shoulders continually started dislocating, which was incredibly painful and kept me from some of my favourite activities, such as weightlifting and bellydancing.
I discovered a disease called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which seems to explain many of my difficulties. It is a connective tissue disorder with frequent dislocation/subluxation of the joints, marked by extreme flexibility, velvety skin, and occasionally skin that stretches. Because I was very thin and strong for most of my life, it would not have been noticable when I was young, but as I age and continue to develop problems, the loss of muscle mass means that I am losing anything that holds my bones and joints together.
Now, years later, my birth mother has three months to live, as my brother told me a few days ago. I have gained weight and lost muscle definition, missed so many opportunities with bellydance and with other activities I loved. Aside from being broke, these issues have kept me from everything I want to do - it is difficult to work out when it is almost impossible to walk because of hip subluxation.
All I know is that I hope this is the answer to the mystery that has kept me somewhat disabled for several years. I would like to return to the things I love, and to find out the reason for these problems. I know it took my father years to find a doctor who would diagnose him with Lyme's Disease; I only hope my wait will not be as long.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Just...wow
Beyond all expectation, I have landed a summer job on the gorgeous island of Islay - along with affordable accommodation, which is nearly unheard of as Islay books up through October. Even more fascinating, I will be working at the Gaelic college! Finally a job in a place I want to be, doing something I believe in. :D The only real issue is that it doesn't pay very highly, but that is all right as it will give me something wonderful to put on my resume, and the chance to live somewhere in Scotland that is not Glasgow, which may be the secret to my unhappiness here. Perhaps it is not the country, but the particular location. Of course there is always a possibility that I will feel the same on Islay but I have visited the island several times and notice that the moment I return to Glasgow I feel my teeth set on edge.
This weekend was marvelous, as all weekends on Islay are. Bountiful whisky and wine, more good food than anyone could possibly eat, stunning sunsets, seals basking, and good times with good friends. I sat atop a cliff overlooking Ireland and sang Celtic songs while the boys leaped from rock to rock. They reported that they found a cave next to the sea that had been graffitied. One message said: John and Paula Forever, 2004. Further down the cave: John and Paula Soulmates 2009. Then further along a white cross painted next to the message: Please save Paula for me. This combination of wild and windswept beaches while lying in deep heather near the sea, melancholy and romance, cameraderie and barbecues that the other villagers attend simply because they saw the smoke (and bring along whisky from the local distillery) - how could you not love a place like that?
And now is my chance to live it, if only for a brief time. I hope that it will continue to weave its magic, as it has done for me every time I have visited this wonderful island.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Things That Are Not Actually Normal, but Seem Sort of Normal After Living in Glasgow For 2 Years
This is a post related to one published by The Rejectionist, who is awesome and you should read her stuff.
Things that Seem Sort of Normal (But Aren't Really) After Living in Glasgow for 2 Years:
Vomit on the pavement (sidewalk) in the morning.
Border collies that wait patiently for their owners outside stores.
Orange skin.
The sun is STILL UP when you go to bed.
Feet wet constantly. I really mean constantly.
Never being quite warm enough.
The random guys who, for whatever reason, dress in a kilt and tam and have a collie dog.
If something is someone's fault, they will NOT admit it. Even with evidence.
Underhanded behaviour/backstabbing/two-facedness.
Buckfast.
Track suits as evening wear.
Alcohol on campus. Served by your professors.
Pound coins in order to use a shopping trolley.
Words like 'rubbish bin, knackered, mingin, greetin, etc'.
Stunningly beautiful landscapes that you will never have enough money to see.
Neds.
Awful wine.
The scenery and the whisky, along with the forced joviality and singalongs, are all for tourists.
Things that Seem Sort of Normal (But Aren't Really) After Living in Glasgow for 2 Years:
Vomit on the pavement (sidewalk) in the morning.
Border collies that wait patiently for their owners outside stores.
Orange skin.
The sun is STILL UP when you go to bed.
Feet wet constantly. I really mean constantly.
Never being quite warm enough.
The random guys who, for whatever reason, dress in a kilt and tam and have a collie dog.
If something is someone's fault, they will NOT admit it. Even with evidence.
Underhanded behaviour/backstabbing/two-facedness.
Buckfast.
Track suits as evening wear.
Alcohol on campus. Served by your professors.
Pound coins in order to use a shopping trolley.
Words like 'rubbish bin, knackered, mingin, greetin, etc'.
Stunningly beautiful landscapes that you will never have enough money to see.
Neds.
Awful wine.
The scenery and the whisky, along with the forced joviality and singalongs, are all for tourists.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Summertime
Summertime in Scotland is grey and rainy, so far. However, it has been nice and free.
I'm at a bit of a crossroads now. Do I stay here? Try to open a business? How long can I put up with working at £6 per hour data entry jobs? Are these jobs, and the expectation that I should be very thankful I have even those, worth staying in the country for?
This weekend I am going away with some friends on a trip to Islay, a beautiful island off the coast. Whenever I am there, I feel my spirits lifted and my mood improve. However, I frequently wonder if I truly need to be somewhere warm, with sunny days and warm tropical breezes. There was a reason I stayed in Hawai'i as long as I did - and only left because I wanted to live in Scotland as much as I did. Things change, but it is very difficult for me to give up the dream of living here. It has not turned out to be what I had hoped, but in the end, it's still *Scotland*. Plus, I have made some good friends here.
I have also applied, once again, for a PhD. We shall see what comes of that. There are a great many things I would like to do in life, but I am uncertain where to go from here or even where to begin. Magic 8 ball?
I'm at a bit of a crossroads now. Do I stay here? Try to open a business? How long can I put up with working at £6 per hour data entry jobs? Are these jobs, and the expectation that I should be very thankful I have even those, worth staying in the country for?
This weekend I am going away with some friends on a trip to Islay, a beautiful island off the coast. Whenever I am there, I feel my spirits lifted and my mood improve. However, I frequently wonder if I truly need to be somewhere warm, with sunny days and warm tropical breezes. There was a reason I stayed in Hawai'i as long as I did - and only left because I wanted to live in Scotland as much as I did. Things change, but it is very difficult for me to give up the dream of living here. It has not turned out to be what I had hoped, but in the end, it's still *Scotland*. Plus, I have made some good friends here.
I have also applied, once again, for a PhD. We shall see what comes of that. There are a great many things I would like to do in life, but I am uncertain where to go from here or even where to begin. Magic 8 ball?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Summer
Well, it has been nearly a year.
Today I wrote the guy who had hurt me and he responded in a patronizing, 'get over it' fashion. Good to know he's still a jerk, I guess.
I'm not enjoying my stay here. On the other hand, I am afraid to go anywhere else - not just because it's somewhere new and I'd be lonely, but because - for some reason - I feel a tenacious desire to stay in Scotland. Maybe moving somewhere else within the country would be better.
The things I enjoy about living here do not outweigh the things I don't. However I don't want to return home so I have been considering teaching ESL. I don't know if I will ever actually get up the courage to do it.
My birthfather visited my adoptive mother and demanded that I never contact his son again (I had written him via Facebook). He had 'decided' years ago that this would never happen - I would never want contact and he could never be found. My mother said he seemed like a person she did not want to meet again.
My hip was displaced again. Doctors don't seem to be able to help me. I'm not quite sure what to do about being in pain all the time. So I am taking up bodybuilding. I am hoping that somehow, somewhere, something will change and I will start feeling more positive. This blog was meant to be positive but it has only seemed to reflect my sad state of mind. I don't know if this feeling is situational or if I will always be this way.
Hopefully a few short trips within the country soon will raise my spirits again.
Today I wrote the guy who had hurt me and he responded in a patronizing, 'get over it' fashion. Good to know he's still a jerk, I guess.
I'm not enjoying my stay here. On the other hand, I am afraid to go anywhere else - not just because it's somewhere new and I'd be lonely, but because - for some reason - I feel a tenacious desire to stay in Scotland. Maybe moving somewhere else within the country would be better.
The things I enjoy about living here do not outweigh the things I don't. However I don't want to return home so I have been considering teaching ESL. I don't know if I will ever actually get up the courage to do it.
My birthfather visited my adoptive mother and demanded that I never contact his son again (I had written him via Facebook). He had 'decided' years ago that this would never happen - I would never want contact and he could never be found. My mother said he seemed like a person she did not want to meet again.
My hip was displaced again. Doctors don't seem to be able to help me. I'm not quite sure what to do about being in pain all the time. So I am taking up bodybuilding. I am hoping that somehow, somewhere, something will change and I will start feeling more positive. This blog was meant to be positive but it has only seemed to reflect my sad state of mind. I don't know if this feeling is situational or if I will always be this way.
Hopefully a few short trips within the country soon will raise my spirits again.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Wandering Along
I neglect this blog a great deal. Apparently I am not very good at daily diary entries; perhaps if I were funny, or chose something specific to talk about - as it is the blog's fairly scatterbrained.
I am sick yet again, this time with pleurisy, I think. I am sick all the time here for some reason. *******************************************************************************************
Well, two productions have finished since I started this blog, neither of them attended by large audiences and neither of which made any money. I loved the process but it was so stressful, making my general misanthropy even worse. I recall that there were times when I was not misanthropic but it seems to be coming out more and more as I age. Anyhow, while all the productions I have done were worth it for the cameraderie and hilarious in-jokes that will only be funny to cast and crew, I am not sure I can afford to do another one. A shame, as we were planning on Sweeney Todd for the fall. However, I am the engine running the theatrical society and if I leave it will no longer run. I am still considering whether it is possible but I am not sure I have the money or the strength to deal with the stress of another show. This blog was started because the world I once knew and believed in no longer existed, and I wanted to make a new life where I focused on myself. Instead I continued to do things for and spend my money on other people. It is almost as if I have a hard time focusing on myself or caring about myself in any way. I feel guilty if I do anything on my own behalf, which is something I have learned this year, every time I have tried. For example, I would feel like I could not join the gym as that money could be used for the play, or for taking a friend out to eat. In the end, I am just broke constantly. My frustration with being able to find a job that pays well has not helped. It has given me a defeated feeling.
Most of this blog, as I look over it, and read even this post, seems to have one repeated theme: I am unhappy, I am angry. I think of some dance friends of mine who are very Zen, like a yoga retreat all the time. I wish I had their peace. When I was younger I used to wear hippie clothes and someone once asked me why I wore them, and believed in peace, when I was such a violent person (which I was at the time but have spent many years getting it under control). I remember that I responded, 'Because I don't have any, and I would like some.' I said it then for different reasons than I am saying it now, but after almost a year since this blog started and I am still at square one, I am asking God for some peace of mind.
I feel frequently that people take advantage of me, and because I love them, I let them. I sit up at night and worry if I think someone is angry with me, even if they were being rude to me or abusive - I blame myself. I am terrified of losing the few friends I have - never having been popular, and with a gruff demeanor, my personality isn't exactly welcoming, although I wish it was. I see films like Legally Blonde and I wish I had that type of bubbly, happy personality. Underneath the gruffness, however, is a loyal friend who truly loves those around her. I think about the things I started this blog about - finding a good job, taking care of myself, thinking of my own goals before those of other people, and how I have really pursued none of those things, being so wrapped up in everything I was doing with the plays. I am going on a cruise in June so that should be helpful...perhaps it is time for a yoga retreat of my own.
I am sick yet again, this time with pleurisy, I think. I am sick all the time here for some reason. *******************************************************************************************
Well, two productions have finished since I started this blog, neither of them attended by large audiences and neither of which made any money. I loved the process but it was so stressful, making my general misanthropy even worse. I recall that there were times when I was not misanthropic but it seems to be coming out more and more as I age. Anyhow, while all the productions I have done were worth it for the cameraderie and hilarious in-jokes that will only be funny to cast and crew, I am not sure I can afford to do another one. A shame, as we were planning on Sweeney Todd for the fall. However, I am the engine running the theatrical society and if I leave it will no longer run. I am still considering whether it is possible but I am not sure I have the money or the strength to deal with the stress of another show. This blog was started because the world I once knew and believed in no longer existed, and I wanted to make a new life where I focused on myself. Instead I continued to do things for and spend my money on other people. It is almost as if I have a hard time focusing on myself or caring about myself in any way. I feel guilty if I do anything on my own behalf, which is something I have learned this year, every time I have tried. For example, I would feel like I could not join the gym as that money could be used for the play, or for taking a friend out to eat. In the end, I am just broke constantly. My frustration with being able to find a job that pays well has not helped. It has given me a defeated feeling.
Most of this blog, as I look over it, and read even this post, seems to have one repeated theme: I am unhappy, I am angry. I think of some dance friends of mine who are very Zen, like a yoga retreat all the time. I wish I had their peace. When I was younger I used to wear hippie clothes and someone once asked me why I wore them, and believed in peace, when I was such a violent person (which I was at the time but have spent many years getting it under control). I remember that I responded, 'Because I don't have any, and I would like some.' I said it then for different reasons than I am saying it now, but after almost a year since this blog started and I am still at square one, I am asking God for some peace of mind.
I feel frequently that people take advantage of me, and because I love them, I let them. I sit up at night and worry if I think someone is angry with me, even if they were being rude to me or abusive - I blame myself. I am terrified of losing the few friends I have - never having been popular, and with a gruff demeanor, my personality isn't exactly welcoming, although I wish it was. I see films like Legally Blonde and I wish I had that type of bubbly, happy personality. Underneath the gruffness, however, is a loyal friend who truly loves those around her. I think about the things I started this blog about - finding a good job, taking care of myself, thinking of my own goals before those of other people, and how I have really pursued none of those things, being so wrapped up in everything I was doing with the plays. I am going on a cruise in June so that should be helpful...perhaps it is time for a yoga retreat of my own.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Lah ti dah
Well not much new or interesting has happened as of yet. Last week I was in the worst mood of my entire life but it seems to have lifted now.
Currently trying to find high heels in sizes 14 and 15 for the guys in the play; I'm sure they'll be thrilled if I can't find any.
We are having a masquerade party after the play and I have to say that I am looking forward to that far more than the performance at the moment.
Happy day - beautiful weather. A bit bored this evening but nothing a glass of champagne wouldn't fix.
Currently trying to find high heels in sizes 14 and 15 for the guys in the play; I'm sure they'll be thrilled if I can't find any.
We are having a masquerade party after the play and I have to say that I am looking forward to that far more than the performance at the moment.
Happy day - beautiful weather. A bit bored this evening but nothing a glass of champagne wouldn't fix.
Friday, February 11, 2011
JOB!!!
I have a FULL TIME JOB! HUZZAH!
Sorry! It's just been such a long time, and now things will be a bit easier. I haven't told everyone yet because I want it to be a really great, happy surprise.
Also - I will now have to personally make most of the costumes for Man in the Iron Mask. Whew. Not sure how I'll do that plus have a job, but we will see what can be done. Right now it feels like anything could happen!
I have also started to think perhaps things are coming together. Just today I made the decision that my next step - should I not acquire my UK visa - will be to go to Thailand and take a TEFL course. The things I truly love in life are teaching and the tropics, and I feel that both of those would be available there. One of my friends is always telling me that if I write down what I really want good things will happen. So I am writing it down.
And once again, HUZZAH!
Sorry! It's just been such a long time, and now things will be a bit easier. I haven't told everyone yet because I want it to be a really great, happy surprise.
Also - I will now have to personally make most of the costumes for Man in the Iron Mask. Whew. Not sure how I'll do that plus have a job, but we will see what can be done. Right now it feels like anything could happen!
I have also started to think perhaps things are coming together. Just today I made the decision that my next step - should I not acquire my UK visa - will be to go to Thailand and take a TEFL course. The things I truly love in life are teaching and the tropics, and I feel that both of those would be available there. One of my friends is always telling me that if I write down what I really want good things will happen. So I am writing it down.
And once again, HUZZAH!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Amazing News
This is an interesting post for me because it is about family.
I was adopted; about five years ago I contacted my mother's stepfather and found out that the entire family had muscular dystrophy. He told me that both my mother and father had kept me a secret all this time and they didn't want anything to do with me.
Then, I found my brother and sister via Facebook.
For a while, I was content with looking at photos of them and wondering what their lives were like. One night, after I had spoken to someone at the Samaritans to get my courage up, I wrote him a letter.
He wrote back the following day saying he'd love to get to know me. When we finally talked, he said he'd known I existed for twenty years. Our mother is dying of the disease and he has asked me not to inform our sister yet. It feels very strange to write that sentence about people other than my adoptive parents and sister, but it is nevertheless true.
When I told my adoptive mother that my brother and I were talking, she spoke again to the woman who originally gave me my step-grandfather's information. We started to wonder whether he was telling the truth about everything considering what my brother had said. So she got in touch with the woman's daughter, who gave my my birth father's name. I never knew it, or who he was, and now I believe I have found even further siblings on Facebook.
I am unsure about whether or not I should contact them. It is a dramatic development all the same, and wonderful news after such a long time in the dark.
I was adopted; about five years ago I contacted my mother's stepfather and found out that the entire family had muscular dystrophy. He told me that both my mother and father had kept me a secret all this time and they didn't want anything to do with me.
Then, I found my brother and sister via Facebook.
For a while, I was content with looking at photos of them and wondering what their lives were like. One night, after I had spoken to someone at the Samaritans to get my courage up, I wrote him a letter.
He wrote back the following day saying he'd love to get to know me. When we finally talked, he said he'd known I existed for twenty years. Our mother is dying of the disease and he has asked me not to inform our sister yet. It feels very strange to write that sentence about people other than my adoptive parents and sister, but it is nevertheless true.
When I told my adoptive mother that my brother and I were talking, she spoke again to the woman who originally gave me my step-grandfather's information. We started to wonder whether he was telling the truth about everything considering what my brother had said. So she got in touch with the woman's daughter, who gave my my birth father's name. I never knew it, or who he was, and now I believe I have found even further siblings on Facebook.
I am unsure about whether or not I should contact them. It is a dramatic development all the same, and wonderful news after such a long time in the dark.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Looking For Work
Unfortunately I am not very good at looking for a job.
Today I decided I would follow up on some job leads. That's what the Internet says to do. So I called a few places. One of them, with a job I *really* wanted, booking travel to Italy - I called and asked for Mr. So and So. Turns out that the boss is a woman (with a traditionally male name). So there went strike one. Then, when the girl on the phone asked me if I had travel experience, I said that I'd just been booking flights, accommodation, and rail for the last few months. She then assumed I'd *only just* qualified (I qualified for Travel and Tourism in 1999). So then I had to explain that to her. Then she said that they were a small company looking for something *very specific*. I work out of Italy sometimes, and I just don't know how much more specific you can get. I have an interest in wine, and good food - all requirements of the post - experience ticketing travel, etc, and three college degrees. What more do you need? She asked if I'd been working 'in travel since then' - no, mostly tourism - but that's not good enough apparently - even though in the last several months I've been doing travel and accommodation. I am confused as to what people want. I have experience, I am educated, and I am unemployed.
I've noticed this lately - people being *incredibly* anal about how and who they hire. If you don't have *exactly this* experience, or that degree, you will not find work. That means, of course, that if someone advertises for a bellydancing Scottish historian tour guide streetfighter, I'll at least be in the running - but that is the only job that I am apparently qualified for. My master's degree in history/literature isn't good enough to let me work in a museum - no, it has to be 'museum studies' and absolutely nothing else. I am tearing my hair out over here. Of course, I realize now that I should have just asked for the manager's full name, or not asked for the manager at all, and I take that as my own mistake. However - the rest of the reasons weren't good enough reasons for me not to be considered. And - really? There actually ARE employees out there with the *perfect CV*? I once saw an ad for a bellydancing bouncer - now there is a job I would qualify for - but how often do you get someone more qualified than I was for the travel post? I understand not getting jobs, but I can't even get to the interview stage.
Am I doing something wrong, or is this just how the work world is at the moment? I would really love to know what it was like not to be broke.
Today I decided I would follow up on some job leads. That's what the Internet says to do. So I called a few places. One of them, with a job I *really* wanted, booking travel to Italy - I called and asked for Mr. So and So. Turns out that the boss is a woman (with a traditionally male name). So there went strike one. Then, when the girl on the phone asked me if I had travel experience, I said that I'd just been booking flights, accommodation, and rail for the last few months. She then assumed I'd *only just* qualified (I qualified for Travel and Tourism in 1999). So then I had to explain that to her. Then she said that they were a small company looking for something *very specific*. I work out of Italy sometimes, and I just don't know how much more specific you can get. I have an interest in wine, and good food - all requirements of the post - experience ticketing travel, etc, and three college degrees. What more do you need? She asked if I'd been working 'in travel since then' - no, mostly tourism - but that's not good enough apparently - even though in the last several months I've been doing travel and accommodation. I am confused as to what people want. I have experience, I am educated, and I am unemployed.
I've noticed this lately - people being *incredibly* anal about how and who they hire. If you don't have *exactly this* experience, or that degree, you will not find work. That means, of course, that if someone advertises for a bellydancing Scottish historian tour guide streetfighter, I'll at least be in the running - but that is the only job that I am apparently qualified for. My master's degree in history/literature isn't good enough to let me work in a museum - no, it has to be 'museum studies' and absolutely nothing else. I am tearing my hair out over here. Of course, I realize now that I should have just asked for the manager's full name, or not asked for the manager at all, and I take that as my own mistake. However - the rest of the reasons weren't good enough reasons for me not to be considered. And - really? There actually ARE employees out there with the *perfect CV*? I once saw an ad for a bellydancing bouncer - now there is a job I would qualify for - but how often do you get someone more qualified than I was for the travel post? I understand not getting jobs, but I can't even get to the interview stage.
Am I doing something wrong, or is this just how the work world is at the moment? I would really love to know what it was like not to be broke.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Lovely Jubbly
So as not to constantly be a huge downer to anyone who happens to read this, or myself, I will comment upon the amazing British use of the English language! This doesn't include Scots, which is pretty separate.
First of all, 'Lovely jubbly' - something you say when things/people/whatever are wonderful. I first heard this on Doctor Who (which I love, along with tea and milk, two British adoptions). A man said, regarding the TARDIS, 'I sold it, didn't I? Got a lot for it too! Lovely jubbly!'
Apparently this phrase relates to some type of popsicle and was used in a show called Only Fools and Horses.
There is also apparently an entire body of slang called 'Cockney Rhyming Slang' which I have not yet personally experienced, but have been told about it - rhyming with normal words so that you would say 'couldn't Adam and Eve it' rather than 'couldn't believe it'.
Secondly, a daddy longlegs in Britain is a crane fly/mosquito hawk, rather than a harvestman spider.
Other odd sayings include 'Easy peasy lemon squeezy' and 'Go on, my son!' as a phrase of encouragement.
I will add more later the more I encounter. The confusion all of this causes is hilarious.
First of all, 'Lovely jubbly' - something you say when things/people/whatever are wonderful. I first heard this on Doctor Who (which I love, along with tea and milk, two British adoptions). A man said, regarding the TARDIS, 'I sold it, didn't I? Got a lot for it too! Lovely jubbly!'
Apparently this phrase relates to some type of popsicle and was used in a show called Only Fools and Horses.
There is also apparently an entire body of slang called 'Cockney Rhyming Slang' which I have not yet personally experienced, but have been told about it - rhyming with normal words so that you would say 'couldn't Adam and Eve it' rather than 'couldn't believe it'.
Secondly, a daddy longlegs in Britain is a crane fly/mosquito hawk, rather than a harvestman spider.
Other odd sayings include 'Easy peasy lemon squeezy' and 'Go on, my son!' as a phrase of encouragement.
I will add more later the more I encounter. The confusion all of this causes is hilarious.
On the Strangeness of Searching for Employment
Today I found out that a job I was competing for with only one other applicant was given to the other applicant because I have 'too much experience'. It would have been perfect for me - two months of fulltime work would have brought me to the date of my visa decision, and provided for me (rent and food). Unfortunately, someone out there who is less qualified than I am now has guaranteed work and pay for that amount of time. And I have no idea how to make myself look less experienced/qualified. Or why I should want to, considering all the training and experience I do have.
At this time, close to the halfway point, I am looking through my posts - and they all seem to be about unhappiness or illness. Perhaps this is just not the place for me. Of course, it is possible that I'm a generally unhappy person - but it seems like I have been more so in the last year than ever before in my life. Frustration isn't the only problem, it seems - and I haven't gotten as much accomplished as I was hoping for. I am currently considering applying for PhDs and jobs elsewhere, in other countries and areas that might be more suitable. At first, I was willing to believe my attitude had a lot to do with my awful experiences here before - because I was really homesick and heartsick - but no, it turns out that this is really what the country is like, or at least this part of it. It makes me even sadder because it's harder to want to specialize in the history of a country that you know is so unkind. I really, really want things to be great here - that's why I've kept trying - but sometimes, the problem *really isn't* you.
At this time, close to the halfway point, I am looking through my posts - and they all seem to be about unhappiness or illness. Perhaps this is just not the place for me. Of course, it is possible that I'm a generally unhappy person - but it seems like I have been more so in the last year than ever before in my life. Frustration isn't the only problem, it seems - and I haven't gotten as much accomplished as I was hoping for. I am currently considering applying for PhDs and jobs elsewhere, in other countries and areas that might be more suitable. At first, I was willing to believe my attitude had a lot to do with my awful experiences here before - because I was really homesick and heartsick - but no, it turns out that this is really what the country is like, or at least this part of it. It makes me even sadder because it's harder to want to specialize in the history of a country that you know is so unkind. I really, really want things to be great here - that's why I've kept trying - but sometimes, the problem *really isn't* you.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Sick
I am sick again, with the flu. I seem to get sick once per month here. I haven't kept records of how often I got sick when I lived other places but it seems rather frequent lately.
Still no job. I wrote a script on my own because the one we were going to use needed too many actors. However- no job, no play, is how it works. Things are strained here, and my getting the flu doesn't help.
I do wonder sometimes if I just have some sort of amazingly bad luck. I think - last year I had an actor who hit me in the face because I caught her and her boyfriend skipping one of the tech rehearsals. Then I had a great play but it opened during the worst weather in Britain in twenty years. I was once in Dublin - once in my life, for five hours - during which a riot broke out, the first in thirty-five years, I am told. When I went to Venice, upon leaving it turned out that the Icelandic volcano had erupted and then had to trek across Europe (not in a fun way, in a horrible, starving, exhausted way where I only got to see the inside of trains). I mean - sure, positive attitude helps somewhat, but I often get the feeling that it's kind of like whistling in a hurricane.
Still no job. I wrote a script on my own because the one we were going to use needed too many actors. However- no job, no play, is how it works. Things are strained here, and my getting the flu doesn't help.
I do wonder sometimes if I just have some sort of amazingly bad luck. I think - last year I had an actor who hit me in the face because I caught her and her boyfriend skipping one of the tech rehearsals. Then I had a great play but it opened during the worst weather in Britain in twenty years. I was once in Dublin - once in my life, for five hours - during which a riot broke out, the first in thirty-five years, I am told. When I went to Venice, upon leaving it turned out that the Icelandic volcano had erupted and then had to trek across Europe (not in a fun way, in a horrible, starving, exhausted way where I only got to see the inside of trains). I mean - sure, positive attitude helps somewhat, but I often get the feeling that it's kind of like whistling in a hurricane.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Auditions today
Well, our auditions are today. We only got about 7 people yesterday, so it is possible the play won't go on. However, there may be more interest now.
I also lost my job, suddenly. They gave me one day's notice. So I am looking for employment currently. My visa application was received and maybe I will get it - my friend got hers. If I do, I'll finally be able to dance and teach again.
I am feeling a little defeated at the moment. Things have felt like a struggle for a long time. They say things are always the worst just before they get a lot better. I also have an application in to do a PhD in New Zealand. I'm not sure where life is going to take me at the moment, but I hope things do turn out for the better soon.
I also lost my job, suddenly. They gave me one day's notice. So I am looking for employment currently. My visa application was received and maybe I will get it - my friend got hers. If I do, I'll finally be able to dance and teach again.
I am feeling a little defeated at the moment. Things have felt like a struggle for a long time. They say things are always the worst just before they get a lot better. I also have an application in to do a PhD in New Zealand. I'm not sure where life is going to take me at the moment, but I hope things do turn out for the better soon.
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