Monday, October 4, 2010

Auditions

Today are the auditions for the play. I am a bit nervous! There doesn't seem to be enough time in the day, or jobs available, or money in the bank.

I am supposed to go back to the US for a weekend to teach at a convention; I am not entirely sure about whether that's a good idea considering the cost won't be covered. However, this year was about me making something of my own life rather than trying to do it for others, so maybe I should stick with it.

I feel like I've made some progress, but sometimes I wonder if happiness itself isn't what my real goal is. I haven't had a lot of it and I've had a difficult life; is it success? Money? Accomplishments? I wonder whether all of that would bring me happiness after all. Of course I will be able to accomplish a lot of things and seem impressive to others, but what I'd really like is to feel comfortable in my own skin and quietly happy - no regrets, no anger, no sadness.

I'm not entirely sure how to get there from here. But I'm trying.

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